All But A Feeling
The title, All But A Feeling came from a title from a screenplay I wrote many years ago. The main character basically felt that feelings were irrelevant to the truth of her identity. Her feelings were inconsequential from the bigger picture of religion, race and love. This premise is what the character believes. In the end of the story, she decides to ignore her newfound love interest and be with the one she once loved. I was feeling then, like I have felt many times before that feelings are so malleable that it causes the best and worst of us. Sometimes my feelings aren’t so accurate that I need to discern when to listen. When I was younger, I had this dread of getting on the tallest roller coaster at Six Flags over Georgia. I stood in line crying and my heart was beating so hard. I thought everyone could her it. However, my mom was getting frustrated and kept persuading me to get on and so I did, (still crying when the bar came down). I rode the roller coaster and it was exhilarating and fun that I went back in line and rode it again and again and again. My feelings did not know I would enjoy the ride. My feelings before were full of dread and fear. If I had listened, I would still be afraid of rollercoasters. So I contemplate, what is the purpose of feelings when it can lead you to believe in something that isn’t always true? Is it to guide me into meditation or to influence me towards a better direction? Or is it there just to be, to exist in its truest form and to survive in the moment of that fear so I may experience the moment of enlightenment. This is how I expose my feelings, I create a story like All But A Feeling or an abstract painting or a poem. This blog is a platform to where I will reflect on my experiences and go inward. I will express my truest thoughts, the story behind the canvas, films and writings. This blog is my feeling in all of its moments that are as true as truth can be.